This old saying is very easy to apply to catering.
I’ve always been in awe of the fact that so many producers and promoters don’t recognize the value of proper onsite catering. Are they just clueless, or simply fucking ignorant idiots?
Bad catering is always a problem, but it becomes an even bigger problem on long-haul productions, where you are stuck in the same venue for weeks, sometimes months. Lucky for me that I usually do long haul productions.
On a lot of the shows I’ve been involved with over the years, the catering was put out on a tender, and the contract was awarded to the lowest bidder. There is only one loser in this equation, and that is the production crew, since the caterer has to make his money and often does so by decreasing the quality of food and selection of dishes once the bid is secured. Really not rocket science, but it still sucks.
This sad state of events has resulted in a long list of horrible catering moments in my life, including five weeks of cabbage rolls in Kiev, green liver in Moscow, and shepherd’s pie made out of cat in India. Oh, and how could I forget about the six weeks of sausage stew fest in Finland! At least hanging out with Finns involves a lot of alcohol, so they are forgiven.
Why is it so hard to understand that the catering is the closest thing to a call home when you are in production? And why is it such a hard thing to give your crew the love they deserve, putting in long shifts during hard circumstances, often staying in low-star hotels far away from families and loved ones for long periods of time.
It’s not like we are asking for much really. If you, as an organizer, can provide two dishes and a vegetarian alternative for each meal, you’re on the way to success! Add a salad bar, condiments, and a coffee station, and you’re golden! But please, please above all, offer a variety over the weeks. A rotation of the same 10 dishes gets old very fast. I’ve heard about these fascinating things you can buy called cookbooks, and the Internet makes it even easier. It doesn’t have to be foie gras with Tokaij wine. In fact, the Nathan’s hot dog cart that showed up once a week was one of the most popular meals on Eurovision in Düsseldorf, not to mention taco Fridays during the Eurovision production in Oslo the year before— such an easy, and still cheap, way of making your crew happy.
Survive With Ranch Dressing
Next step is to go green and stop with the paper plates and plastic knives and forks. It doesn’t matter how good a meal you provide, if it’s served on a paper plate, it is, by default, shit. Keep in mind that any meal served on a proper plate with silverware tastes 100% better, and doing dishes is a hell of a lot greener alternative than using paper and plastic, or God forbid, Styrofoam! Styrofoam is just wrong.
If you happen to be in a manager position onsite, stand up for your crew, and try to communicate with the head of catering, whether something was really good or really bad. I believe that most of them want us to be happy, but if they get no feedback, they’ll assume everything is fine. I actually think a good rule would be that they have to eat what we eat every day. That would be enlightening for most of them!
Now I’ve learned to expect mediocrity, so these days I come prepared. It started innocently enough in Finland with a bottle of ranch dressing (it goes with everything, according to my wife). In Russia, we added Tabasco. Here in Baku, I have a special bag I bring to all meals that has truffle salt, Cholula, cayenne pepper, BBQ sauce, hot wing sauce, habanero sauce, chili flakes, fajita seasoning, and of course, ranch. Add a proper espresso machine, and you can survive most things.
On that note, I’ve to say that the PAYG (pay as you go) catering here in Baku is actually quite all right! Good food, well made, nice variation, and fair prices. All it really needs is some extra flavor (okay, ranch).
In summary, it’s time to stand up and fight this common problem. And fight it hard! The client always expects us to meet expectations; the least they can do in return is to respect us and not treat us like monkeys. Catering is the true heart of any production, and for a happy, well-fed crew, there are no challenges too big.
We’re going to the big market here in Baku tomorrow on the hunt for fresh black truffle, to add something new to the condiment bag. Wish us luck!
Ola Melzig has 25 years’ experience working in the entertainment concert industry, working his way up from stagehand through all facets of production. Today his resume includes technical director on large-scale events worldwide, including the Eurovision Song Contest, the Commonwealth Games opening and closing ceremonies in New Delhi, India, Espectáculo Conmemorativo, the Cinco de Mayo 150th anniversary show in Puebla, Mexico, and the 2014 IIFA Awards. He is currently working as senior technical manager for the closing ceremony for the 2015 European Games in Baku, Azerbaijan.
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